Living with hurt

This is a tough article I have been mulling over for months, maybe years. I have thought about it, journaled about it, prayed about this very topic. "Hurt...." It is not an easy word, the very pains I feel in my heart as I write this article makes me deeply sad to revisit times, people, and places that have ever so carved a deep cavern within me. To say anyone is free of hurt this side of heaven would be false. No matter how good you live your life, no matter how much you strive for a better way of life, no one is exempt from the painful pangs of hurt from other individuals.
I have been there, I have laid on the ground and cried my heart out at the foot of rejection, I have lost sleep over gut wrenching situations I just did not understand, and in some cases still do not. I have lived with hurtful people, I have hurtful people in my family, I have worked with hurtful people, and shamefully in my own hurt or stress have also hurt people.
The kind of hurt I am talking about here though is the intentional, deep and meaningful hurt of rejection.
Rejection is knowing what is in front of you and making an attempt to keep it away. Why do people, and organzitions hurt those around them?
Hurting people hurt people. Healed people can then help others...
I have heard that before and really up until about two years ago I really did not think too deeply about it until going through a very dark season in my own personal life.
When people are hurting from their own past, their mistakes, wrongs done to them, or even dealing with their own personal frustrations there is a part of their being that is bleeding hurt. They don't take healing time, get help through counseling, fail to grieve properly, and in turn they continue to "bleed" all over the people around them with toxicity. Toxicity surfaces in many forms.
I can only pray that in time the counseling or accountability that is needed will somehow show itself as important and sought after for complete healing or restoration of broken lives.

Making sense of the nonsense

It is a topic of conversation in the coaching industry I am currently working as well as in every day life. The questions asked about why things happen the way they do. The W's, as I would like to say:WHY did this happen, WHERE does this make my life go from here, WHAT will I do or WHAT went wrong? We will never fully understand the answer to so many unfair or unjust things this side of heaven. Just today, there was a horrible thing that happened here in our country and it is all over the news. It just seems like it surrounds us, and we are trying to make sense of nonsense. Things that happen in our lives or to others we know and see are just beyond our human comprehension. Then we go through the emotions that come with situations we never understand; the guilt, blame, sadness, anger, and hurt. There is always hope, even in the darkest of times. God will never let you down or leave you.

Mighty Mindset

The past few months I have been reigning in my thoughts. Capturing the negativity that could easily set in and poison every day life. It is easy to get discouraged, to look at your situation and believe that this will never change. Those are lies that if you dwell on will dictate your very life. You see, having a mindset that will push you into thriving mode versus survival is the very thing that will get you through the dark valley you sometimes have to walk through. You have to make a decision. To not make one is a decision in itself, but to make one to be positive is one of the most single powerful choices you can make. Your life is made up of all kinds of ups and downs, it is part of life. Yes many may seem unfair, some cruel, but the most important thing to remember is the only constant is change. This part of your life will and can change. You have to get to a point that irregardless of circumstances you will have a good attitude. You will choose to be a victor not a victim. Life does not have to ruin you. You can determine your choices, attitude, and destiny. Constant daily choices determine where you will end up. Make them wisely! Make them on purpose and make them positive.

Dealing with manipulative people

Manipulative people can surface in many relationships. It is important not to confuse manipulation with "influence" . Someone that is influential creates balance and health and spurs you on to be a better person and reach your goals. Manipulation however is a tactic used to control others through lies, remarks, stories, actions,financial means, etc. It can rear its ugly head in many ways. What do you do and how do you handle this, especially if you have someone close to you has been manipulating people all their life. For some it is a way of life. It is not the correct way of life though. People like this are fearful, and in most cases can be very dramatic with their every day life. Most of the time their ultimate desire is self based and they will not have close personal relationships with others. Ultimately their manipulation backfires. But nonetheless, they can be difficult to deal with and you need to be able to recognize manipulation and stand up to it.
In some cases the manipulative person can and will target who they "can" and can't manipulate. Keep in mind....from an earlier post,.....There is no show without an audience! Same for manipulators....they can not manipulate others, if they are not allowed. If someone feels they can manipulate you, they will keep calling, keep coming back, and continuously showing up in your life for something unhealthy.
Keep a balance in your relationships. Keep manipulators at a distance. It takes two to tango...and it always involves two when their are unhealthy patterns. Have nothing to do with it! So, I know the question is there, what do you do when this person is someone in your family? A spouse, parent, or child. Obviously those relationships you can not walk completely away from. BUT, you need to be very specific, clarify what you will and will not allow and enforce that you have boundaries. This will not be easy, you will have differing opinions, but you need to keep unhealthy people in your life at a distance and make them understand how far they can go.
Maintain your character. Manipulative people lie. Keep this tactic in mind. Remember, manipulative people are driven by fear and insecurity and will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better. Be true to who you are,  who have you always been, manipulators have a pattern and I guarantee you are not the only one in their lives who sees it.
Set limits with people who try to manipulate you and clarify what it is that the relationship will be. Some people you just can not be close to in all of the ways you want to be because of unhealthy patterns or destructive habits.

 photo:http://www.activatemg.co.nz/middle-management-development/

Mean what you say....and say what you mean!

Words....they have the power to heal, motivate,and encourage. Words.....also have the power to destroy, tear down, and cripple. I find it astounding how loosely people speak to each other sometimes in relationships. As if the words they say will be quickly forgiven or looked past in an instant. It just isn't true. I have been married for several years, married into a family where words have been thrown around like a volleyball their entire lives. I see how it destroys children, makes disrespectful teenagers, and poor intimate relationships. I have seen how people can truly hurt others with their communication. I can see how generations will be affected by the actions of today. It is very important to treat people in your life with deep respect and mutual admiration. Your children will see how you relate and become the mirror image of you. Generations always reap what you sow.

Staying Healthy and Fit at ANY Age

Keeping physically fit is important at any age. Staying healthy is one thing most people do not think about until they are unhealthy or older and are faced with ailments or sickness. Here are some great reasons to stay in shape and keep on top of your health no matter what your age.
1. Working out helps keep you independent. Staying healthy means that your going to be able to function properly as you age. Working out earlier in life and continuing to do so, may mean a longer and fuller life without disablement.
2. Exercise will increase and help maintain your bone density. It is important to keep your bones healthy and strong.
3. Exercise and physical activity will life your spirits. Studies show that working out aids with depression and also is great for your self esteem.
4. Working out is a way for you to get around other people. Staying social and active in your community is important in having quality relationships.
5. Exercise helps you control your weight. Metabolism is affected by how much you exercise and what you eat. Metabolism is how you handle nutrients put into your body. The more you move around the more fat you can burn off.
FIND: NATURAL WEIGHT LOSS PROTEIN AND SUPPLEMENTS

photo credit:gobonevia.com

Fighting off post holiday depression

There is so much hype and excitement in the weeks prior to Christmas. However, afterwards there tends to be long winter months that may lead to depression. Depression can be treated naturally. Extreme cases may need medication. However, mild to moderate cases of depression can be treated with alternative measures.
Some ways to beat depression and get through the winter months.
1. Continue to get exercise. If you can not be outside, try to get to a gym or workout in small spaces of time indoors. Exercise is important to keep your mind and body healthy. Even if your walking it is better than doing nothing at all.
2. Take vitamins and incorporate more Vitamin D. Certain vitamin defiencies from an unhealthy diet can lead to depression. Also take Omega 3 as a daily supplement.
3. Watch what your eating and drinking. Caffeine and alcohol can deplete serotonin levels. An imbalance of serotonin can lead to depression.
4. Make sure you balance your diet and as many fruits and vegetables as you can. These are very high in antioxidants and help prevent disease and give you energy.
5. Get enough sleep. Sleep is a way that your body can restore itself. If your not getting enough sleep your body will break down over time.
6. Herbal remedies are extremely effective. St. Johns Wort for example has very few side effects and in many cases just as effective as a prescription. By taking this route is also allows you to be in control of what your putting into your body and your treatment.


More information and articles below for your own research:
Serotonin and Depression
Vitamins for Depression
How to Survive the Mid-Winter Blues

Music Therapy Keeps You Healthy

Music has long been used to alleviate stress. Using this music technique has been documented even long ago in biblical times as David used the harp to alleviate depression in King Saul's life. Music can lift your mood, and elevate your spirit in moments. Everyone has a different favorite style of music. What could help one person may stress someone else out. It really depends on personality and music choice. The body responds to the beats with an increase of serotonin which helps fight depression and stress.
Some easy ways to use music therapy for your health.
1. Take a walk and listen to something motivating or soothing depending on your mood.
2. If you had a somber type of day listen to music that has uplifting tones and beats.
3. To create more relaxation find some music that has nature sounds or soothing sounds like water.
4. If you have had a bad day listen to a tune that can take you back to a fond memory or something you enjoyed.
5. Light candles and turn off bright lights as you listen to the music that will relax you the best for your overall health and wellbeing.

The Importance of Self Care

As you pursue overall wellness and health in all area’s of your life. It is extremely important if you want to meet your goals,  that you take into consideration the following common factor in all of them.
YOU! There is nothing selfish in making sure you are a healthy individual. In fact, it is one of the most important things you can not only honor God with, but those who love you.
You are the one in which the power lies to choose. You make the choices every day that ultimately affect your overall vitality, spirituality, wellbeing, and health.
Why is self care so important?
- Self care and pampering leads to overall health to your spirit and emotional health almost as much as a healthy diet and exercise program. Proper relaxation techniques can help reduce stress, anxiety and tension which all can cause a variety of serious health problems.
-Self care is important because you matter! By taking time to care for the inner most part of who you are, your allowing others to see that you care about your body enough to make sure you are nurturing yourself so you can be the best person overall for those around you. This sends a clear message that you value healthy wellbeing.
-Self care makes you a better caretaker. How can you provide or care for other’s when you do not see the importance of making time for yourself to refuel and re-energize.
-Avoiding self care leads to overall feelings of unhappiness, exhaustion, sadness, depression, and often resentment.

Ways to incorporate self care:

-Enjoy a quiet bath.

-Make a place in your home a retreat and spend a few minutes there each day.

-Schedule time to meditate on the good things in your life/pray.

-Take walks or join a gym.

-Meet a friend for coffee or just to have some conversation.

-Schedule a massage.

-Sip on some herbal tea to relax your body.

-Get into the sunshine for at least 15 minutes a day.

The Butterfly Effect

How significant is your life? Do you know how important your life really is, and why you were uniquely created?
Every aspect of you are and what you will do with your life has eternal effects. Generations after you will reap some of the actions you sow into every day life. Make a choice today to gain control over the things you have left go for so long and feel powerless over. There is no addiction, struggle, bad habit, hurtful situation, or hopeless situation that you can not overcome. Your life matters!!! And please never forget that.
Watch this clip! The Butterfly Effect

Managing Stress

Stress has serious medical side effects if felt for long periods of time. Stress can cause head aches, upset stomachs, ulcers, mood swings, and depression. Life can bombard sometimes with things that are unexpected and serious. Everyone handles stress differently, stress will come to everyone at certain times but how you deal with it can make the difference in your life from feelings of defeat to living a life with victory. Here are a few ways to help you pinpoint stress areas and help you manage them better.
1. Pinpoint the areas that are making you feel stressed out. What are those things that are causing you to feel anxious, nervous, or overwhelmed? Is this a person, job related, financial problem, etc...)
2. Once you have recognized the areas that are stressing you out, think about how you can change that situation. Is there something in your power to be able to change that area?
3. Confront those problem areas that you are capable of changing and if you need to establish better boundaries in those places, this is an excellent way to begin practicing that technique. Boundaries is realizing where you as a person end, and another begins. This boundary issue can be wide spread in a few areas of your life and can be contributing to some of your stress related problems. I highly recommend getting a copy of "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend; very practical advice for anyone who struggles with saying no or managing stress.
4. Get some exercise for your health and clarity of mind. Moderate exercise weekly if not daily is so important in managing stress better.A simple walk will force you out of isolation and get your mind thinking of other things.
5. Avoid drinking alcohol if taking medication. Drinking impairs the way you think and in many cases if mixed with medication can increase feelings of depression, anger, and sadness.
Stress needs to be managed regularly and use the techniques you discover that help you the best so that you can live a better life for yourself and those around you.

Serious heart condition

The most common thought about heart condition is most likely thought about in the "physical" sense. To experience a heart condition on a deeper level than just physical is to experience a heart condition in a "spiritual" sense. Let me explain how this works, people are created in the image of God, humans are a physical, emotional, and spiritual representation of their Creator. There is a deep void in the heart of every man and woman that only can be filled by knowing and having a relationship with God.

My heart breaks at the news of men killing other men in the name of God. Men turning against their wives and families. Despicable acts of injustice and murder every day on the news. I truly believe that people are suffering and in such despair that unless they come to have a real and lasting love with their God their heart will continue to harden and plague them and reap generations of destruction in families, marriages, ministries, and nations.

It is time for Christians to get serious about their heart conditions. It is time for the people that do not know God to see a difference in the lives of those who really do live a life that is victorious! Right now is not a good time for many people; job loss, sickness, poverty, hate, confusion, and fear have crippled many men and women. Let me encourage you, that the fear in your heart...has not been placed there by anyone who loves you. God loves you!

What condition is your heart in today? Think about your heart in a deeper sense than just your physical heart, think about what state your heart is in if you were to think about a condition that penetrates much deeper than that.

Strengths and Weaknesses: do you know yours?

If you have no idea your strengths or weaknesses I would recommend you take a long hard look into yourself for some time. Everyone at some point through direction from friends, family, or coworkers seems to have somewhat of an indicator of what talents they have been given. If you have not been as fortunate as to have guidance along the way and you have no idea where your strengths lie or your weaknesses one thing you can try is to take an exam. They have exams online that will tell you where your strengths lie and maybe where some of your weaker areas can be as well. These will help you discover more of yourself and possibly steer you in a better direction vocationally. There are some websites I have included below for you to look into further.

I would encourage you to join a team. Get involved with a project or organization that will throw you into having to work together with others. The best way to discover who you are is to take yourself out of the familiar! When someone gets very comfortable with their life its very easy to never discover new things about yourself and others. There are many needs out there and organizations that can use your help.

Getting married is one of the most unbelievable things that you can do to discover who and what you are made of. If you for one second think your life is perfect and you have little weaknesses, getting married will help keep your brain from reaching that prideful pinnacle. Spending time with another individual every day, every night, and for years to come will reveal things about yourself you never knew! Once your married, make a commitment to that person for life. In a marriage when both people are committed to discovering themselves and each other it makes a world of difference. Stay close to one another and maintain your relationship, attend marriage conferences to discover more about men, women, and one another.

The following sites can offer some helpful information in attending a marriage conference or knowing more about your personality.

Personality Quiz

Attend a Marriage Retreat

Solutions for Life

Is your hut on fire?

Maybe this has been heard before by some, however, the past several months this little story could not have been ringing more true in my life. I know many people are struggling so badly right now financially, relationally, spiritually, and emotionally. So I will ask this, "Is your hut on fire?"

See if you can relate to the following story.

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky... He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?'

Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.

The Moral of This Story:
It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

If you can relate today to this man in the story, let me assure you that you are not alone! God's grace is going to get you through!

God has not forgotten...

What a difficult place to be in...a pit. We all have had our share from time to time. I recently just read a small devotional stating, "A dark uncertain place that as much as you try to get out of you sink further and further into, you would love to climb up out of this pit, but at this point just stopping the spiraling fall would be enough! You look at the past, and you think of all you have lost, but you do not know how to get it back. You are discouraged, heavy, hopeless, and many times alone. You wonder: where God is? Why does He seem so far away? Why hasn't my situation changed"
Can you relate to this scenario? I know I can...I have been there too, hanging desperately for rescue from my Lord.
A deep darkness in your spirit can come from many things life hands you. Our spiritual condition can come from a complete physical exhaustion, emotional fatigue from situations you have been struggling with, or even spiritual battles. There is a war constantly around many of us...a war we can not see...a war for your soul. When you are weak...God is strong!
No matter what your struggling with today, the past few months, or the past few years ...the Lord knows !
A few years ago i heard a story of a young woman who slipped and fell over a deep ravine, she was falling into a place she never knew and looked as if there was no help in sight. It was very dark at the time when the young girl fell and she could not see an end to her situation. A small branch stopped her fall into what she thought was a great chasm of no return. Night fell quickly and deep pain from her fall numbed her hands tremendously! She hung on tightly through the darkest night she had ever felt in her life. She cried out to "God"...she questioned where was he? She wailed for help and cried until her eyes seemed empty and her heart broken into pieces. Why has God allowed me to experience such a fall...I do not know how to get out of this pit? The whole time she kept hearing a small voice telling her to " LET GO"! Her hands now bleeding from the tremendous amount of stress and fatigue from holding on, she could not bring herself to let go, after all, she could fall to her death! The young woman continued to cry out for what seemed like days and soon the sun began to rise on her situation. As the sun appeared over the horizon it brought a new light to what was beneath her. The whole entire time she had been hanging just about a foot over a track she needed to be on to head home and get her out of the woods.
How many times have we held on, screamed , cried, and blamed God for things that have happened to us?
I know i have...you see the girl in the story was me. If you could just "LET GO" today of whatever situation is paralyzing you to go forward and make better choices and change your life...you will see the awesome power of God and what he can do with a broken spirit. God has ways of turning every single thing around for you in your life. Every detail is important to God. GOD HAS NOT FORGOTTEN YOU!

Create relaxation

Relaxation may be a foreign word for some people, and most of the time unless you create a time for yourself to relax it will not happen. Relaxing is a time to separate yourself from the cares of every day life. The following tips may help you come up with some of your very own.

Set the time aside for you to relax. This time could be something you plan ahead for or even make happen spontaneously based upon your needs. When you create relaxation make sure you remove things that typically distract you. Things that usually cause underlying stress such as TV, cell phones, computers, pagers, etc ... should be turned off during this time. There are moments when you can be unreachable for just a little while, your mind and body needs this so you do not burn out.

Create an atmosphere wherever you are that is peaceful. You may like to light candles, turn on some light music, or maybe you want to sit in absolute silence with your feet up; whatever you choose make it something you do not ordinarily do to make it seem special for you. Take your mind off your situation for awhile and focus on a book, a sunset, or even the rain. It does not take much to create relaxation if your determined to do it.

A wonderful idea that can help you relax is to burn lavender essential oil in an oil diffuser. If you do not own an oil burner you can apply a few drops of lavender to the palms of your hands and inhale, or place a few drops on your pillowcase.

When life beats you down

When you have a pile of bills in front of you and the economy on the brink of crashing it is no wonder more Americans are seeking medication. However, there are ways to deal with financial crisis without turning to medication right away or losing your mind for that matter. Life throws so much at you sometimes and change is the only thing that truly is ever constant.

Tell yourself every single day that, "Things will be OK." There will be days when you have no idea how in the world your going to come up with money to pay your bills, buy groceries, or even put gas in your car. There will be days that you feel your life will never change. These are the days you have to reign your mind in and concentrate on allowing yourself to hear positive things from your own mouth. It is way to easy to spout off things when your frustrated. Your brain responds more to the sound of your own voice than any other in the world.

Find solace anywhere you can find it. The solace is to pull yourself and your thoughts together. You may not have money to even get in the car and drive somewhere to get away from it all, so you go into a quiet place in your home. Do whatever you need to do to create something that resembles peace, serenity, or hope and sit there for awhile. A few suggestions for you are the following: light a candle, get a bath, play music, look at a photo album, read a casual magazine or pray. Everyone finds solace in different ways, you have to do what brings you peace even if it is for a few moments in your day.

Stress depletes your immune system and the "wiring" your body needs to stay functioning properly mentally and physically. Take care of your body from the inside out. Stress may keep you from sleeping so try to get sleep that your body needs to restore itself from the pressures of the day. Sooner or later your situation will change and your circumstances will get better. Keep hope alive in your heart.

Live life like there is no tomorrow

What would you do if you could live like there was no tomorrow? For some this thought may seem a bit morbid, but for other's it may be very freeing. Here are a few suggestions if you need a day to live like there is no tomorrow and give yourself a break.

Take off work for the day. When all is said and done when one comes to the end of their life, no one has ever said..." I wish I would have worked more." Take a day and do something special to create a memory and soak in the day you have been blessed to embrace and enjoy. Your children, spouse, and overall health mean more than any paycheck you will ever receive, and the time you have with them is priceless...make it count!

Grab your loved one's tightly and hug them for awhile. Human touch has healing within it and everyone longs to be touched and held. Look into the eyes of your little one's, spouse, family, etc ... and tell them how much you cherish them and how much they have meant to you. Living with people sometimes creates almost a lack of appreciation, people get comfortable and forget that these individuals mean the world.

Do something you have always wanted to do and put it off. These are the things that are not necessarily the big huge things in life, but can be the simple ordinary things you never get to do because your too busy, too tired, or too broke. Do something out of the ordinary and let it be something you have been desiring to do for some time. There are things you need to save up for and be smart about your spending but in life there are also things you will never be financially prepared for no matter how hard you try. Grab your life by the reigns and start heading in the direction you want to go!

Keep your mind healthy

Just as important as physical health your mind plays a huge role in your emotional and mental health. All three factors really are connected with one another. If your mind is unhealthy your physical and emotional state can be suffering.

Keep your mind stimulated. If you are in a place where you do dont feel like your using your brain to think, reason, or work towards anything that is a very dangerous place to be. Look for ways to use your mind. It could be something as simple as crossword puzzles, reading a book, or reasearching a new subject. This is one thing that is very hard for elderly people with few activities, but the key is to have something that can be worked on daily that can stimulate your thought process and keep you alert.

Focus on positive things in the world around you. There are many things that can seem gloom and doom and cause our brains to almost have an overload. There really is only so much someone can handle at once. Make a list of things that you are looking forward to, that your thankful for, and that you can appreciate in your life.

Do not expose your thoughts and mind to things that are unhealthy. There things that can be addictive which pose a threat to your potential in how you function on a daily basis. These things can creep in when you are vulnerbale and least expect them to be able to take over your life and mind. Examples can be anything from pornography, violence, drugs, or even unhealthy patterns in your life that keep you from living abundantly.

Get involved with those around you in your community or family. If at all possible try to have things that require your attention and involvement. To have activities in which you can communicate and participlate in on a weekly basis are healthy and a wonderful way to use your mind and keep you healthy.