Living with hurt

This is a tough article I have been mulling over for months, maybe years. I have thought about it, journaled about it, prayed about this very topic. "Hurt...." It is not an easy word, the very pains I feel in my heart as I write this article makes me deeply sad to revisit times, people, and places that have ever so carved a deep cavern within me. To say anyone is free of hurt this side of heaven would be false. No matter how good you live your life, no matter how much you strive for a better way of life, no one is exempt from the painful pangs of hurt from other individuals.
I have been there, I have laid on the ground and cried my heart out at the foot of rejection, I have lost sleep over gut wrenching situations I just did not understand, and in some cases still do not. I have lived with hurtful people, I have hurtful people in my family, I have worked with hurtful people, and shamefully in my own hurt or stress have also hurt people.
The kind of hurt I am talking about here though is the intentional, deep and meaningful hurt of rejection.
Rejection is knowing what is in front of you and making an attempt to keep it away. Why do people, and organzitions hurt those around them?
Hurting people hurt people. Healed people can then help others...
I have heard that before and really up until about two years ago I really did not think too deeply about it until going through a very dark season in my own personal life.
When people are hurting from their own past, their mistakes, wrongs done to them, or even dealing with their own personal frustrations there is a part of their being that is bleeding hurt. They don't take healing time, get help through counseling, fail to grieve properly, and in turn they continue to "bleed" all over the people around them with toxicity. Toxicity surfaces in many forms.
I can only pray that in time the counseling or accountability that is needed will somehow show itself as important and sought after for complete healing or restoration of broken lives.

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Making sense of the nonsense

It is a topic of conversation in the coaching industry I am currently working as well as in every day life. The questions asked about why things happen the way they do. The W's, as I would like to say:WHY did this happen, WHERE does this make my life go from here, WHAT will I do or WHAT went wrong? We will never fully understand the answer to so many unfair or unjust things this side of heaven. Just today, there was a horrible thing that happened here in our country and it is all over the news. It just seems like it surrounds us, and we are trying to make sense of nonsense. Things that happen in our lives or to others we know and see are just beyond our human comprehension. Then we go through the emotions that come with situations we never understand; the guilt, blame, sadness, anger, and hurt. There is always hope, even in the darkest of times. God will never let you down or leave you.

Mighty Mindset

The past few months I have been reigning in my thoughts. Capturing the negativity that could easily set in and poison every day life. It is easy to get discouraged, to look at your situation and believe that this will never change. Those are lies that if you dwell on will dictate your very life. You see, having a mindset that will push you into thriving mode versus survival is the very thing that will get you through the dark valley you sometimes have to walk through. You have to make a decision. To not make one is a decision in itself, but to make one to be positive is one of the most single powerful choices you can make. Your life is made up of all kinds of ups and downs, it is part of life. Yes many may seem unfair, some cruel, but the most important thing to remember is the only constant is change. This part of your life will and can change. You have to get to a point that irregardless of circumstances you will have a good attitude. You will choose to be a victor not a victim. Life does not have to ruin you. You can determine your choices, attitude, and destiny. Constant daily choices determine where you will end up. Make them wisely! Make them on purpose and make them positive.

Dealing with manipulative people

Manipulative people can surface in many relationships. It is important not to confuse manipulation with "influence" . Someone that is influential creates balance and health and spurs you on to be a better person and reach your goals. Manipulation however is a tactic used to control others through lies, remarks, stories, actions,financial means, etc. It can rear its ugly head in many ways. What do you do and how do you handle this, especially if you have someone close to you has been manipulating people all their life. For some it is a way of life. It is not the correct way of life though. People like this are fearful, and in most cases can be very dramatic with their every day life. Most of the time their ultimate desire is self based and they will not have close personal relationships with others. Ultimately their manipulation backfires. But nonetheless, they can be difficult to deal with and you need to be able to recognize manipulation and stand up to it.
In some cases the manipulative person can and will target who they "can" and can't manipulate. Keep in mind....from an earlier post,.....There is no show without an audience! Same for manipulators....they can not manipulate others, if they are not allowed. If someone feels they can manipulate you, they will keep calling, keep coming back, and continuously showing up in your life for something unhealthy.
Keep a balance in your relationships. Keep manipulators at a distance. It takes two to tango...and it always involves two when their are unhealthy patterns. Have nothing to do with it! So, I know the question is there, what do you do when this person is someone in your family? A spouse, parent, or child. Obviously those relationships you can not walk completely away from. BUT, you need to be very specific, clarify what you will and will not allow and enforce that you have boundaries. This will not be easy, you will have differing opinions, but you need to keep unhealthy people in your life at a distance and make them understand how far they can go.
Maintain your character. Manipulative people lie. Keep this tactic in mind. Remember, manipulative people are driven by fear and insecurity and will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better. Be true to who you are,  who have you always been, manipulators have a pattern and I guarantee you are not the only one in their lives who sees it.
Set limits with people who try to manipulate you and clarify what it is that the relationship will be. Some people you just can not be close to in all of the ways you want to be because of unhealthy patterns or destructive habits.

 photo:http://www.activatemg.co.nz/middle-management-development/

Leave the NOT POSSIBLE, behind!

Success is not a far off dream that you cannot attain.Success is not a dream that doesn’t happen.
Success is not a “maybe”.... Success is leaving that, "NOT POSSIBLE" behind. Turn all of the obstacles into stepping stones.Get out of your own way, sometimes you are the biggest reason things have not changed. Never accept defeat.Get excited.Think big.Make it happen.Be part of the one percent that DO IT! Leaving behind the people or the things that make you believe that your dreams are not possible....can be a very tough thing to do. Obstacles come in all kinds of forms. I have really had my share of obstacles, too many to write on here and honestly, I really do not want to focus on them anymore. Learn to use the things that trip you up as a tool to get higher to your ultimate goals and dreams. It does not matter what town you are from, it does not matter what family you had or did not have, it does not matter who has come against you, what matters is that you make a choice today to never be the same. Look to the future. Know that the plans and purposes are planted deep in your heart and it is up to you to fulfill them and get out of your own way.

Mean what you say....and say what you mean!

Words....they have the power to heal, motivate,and encourage. Words.....also have the power to destroy, tear down, and cripple. I find it astounding how loosely people speak to each other sometimes in relationships. As if the words they say will be quickly forgiven or looked past in an instant. It just isn't true. I have been married for several years, married into a family where words have been thrown around like a volleyball their entire lives. I see how it destroys children, makes disrespectful teenagers, and poor intimate relationships. I have seen how people can truly hurt others with their communication. I can see how generations will be affected by the actions of today. It is very important to treat people in your life with deep respect and mutual admiration. Your children will see how you relate and become the mirror image of you. Generations always reap what you sow.

Why do unhealthy people resist change?

It is one of those questions I ask myself all the time, "Why do unhealthy people resist change?" You would imagine that an unhealthy person would want to get healthy and in many cases they do, but for some it really is a struggle. I am not even talking about the physical aspect of things, I am talking about the over all person from the inside out. Relationships can make people toxic and unhealthy, yet they stick around those people who will continue to abuse them, their trust, resources, etc. It makes no sense to me. However, if everyone were content and healthy I would be out of a job and we would all be in heaven. This side of heaven people will always have issues. It is how one handle things that make the difference.
There are some who have been living so unhealthy in so many areas of their life that if the healthy "bug" came up behind them and bit them in the rear end, they still would not be able to recognize it or even accept it. In fact, they may even reject 'healthy' because they do not know any better.
Most of the time the one(s) who are living in an unhealthy situation will not see it until something drastic happens. Recognizing that there needs to be lifestyle changes is the one key piece that will make the true difference.
We have heard the phrase, 'you can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink,' it is cliche i know but very true. You can tell someone the truth, even if it hurts. You may also show them a better way, but you will never be able to make them change.
People change when they want to change and when their pain is greater for them then the fear of change itself.
What can you do as a person surrounded by unhealthy people?
Here are a few to start:
1. Be the change you want to see- all you can do is live your life the way you want to live and live it out healthy, true, and whole. Sooner or later those around you that have been spinning out of control will either spin out of your life all together or they will see a difference and maybe one day want some of that difference.
2. Keep healthy boundaries- stand your ground. Those who are unhealthy will reject your boundaries and manipulate you to feel guilty, feel sorry for taking a stand, for leaving, etc... STAND your GROUND!
Pick up the book Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend.... awesome resource!!! Every family in America should read this book.
3. Seek Counseling- there is no shame in seeking wise counsel. Seek it...and find it...and do it! 
These are just a couple things but know that every day, every person has a choice. They have a choice to survive or thrive. Thriving is the way I want to live....how about you?

When Life Gets in The Way!

The Great Balancing Act

Trying to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams is hard enough without distraction but when life gets in the way that is when you need to understand that this is where your determination and a huge balancing act need to kick in. Life will get in the way! There is no denying the power of distraction, it happens. Sometimes it is very legitimate things that come into our lives that do require our attention, however, you need to keep in mind what your goals are for your life in these certain area’s.

1.     Have a plan of action. You need to know ahead of time which things are the most important to you. EX: Family, Health, Work, etc…Make a list if you need to and prioritize.

2.     Stick to your plan. I know it sounds basic, but really it is formative in reaching your goals. If you know that you have set time aside for your family than be true to your commitments, if you know you want to get up earlier and work out and you have that as a set plan of action then schedule it in and stay committed to this.

3.     Prepare for battle. Some of you are wondering what I mean by battle? Well, if you are planning on doing anything to better your life prepare for the battle of your life. You will find that your mind plays a huge role in achieving success, you will have to reign in your fear and go forward.

4.     Develop tougher skin. I know this is not easy for some people, especially those who are more sensitive by nature. And sensitivity is an amazing attribute that can be used to bless the lives of others in many ways. But what I am referring to is tougher skin in regards to your own well -being. It is sad but when you start to reach your goals and you are becoming more successful, there will always be someone you love or even hold dear that will in their heart not be happy for you. This will hurt. You will not understand this unless you prepare for it. It can cripple…and actually hault someone’s progress. But you have to know that if someone is not happy for you….they are not happy! Their unhappiness is with themselves now your achievements. GO FORWARD!

5.     Reassess!! To reach your goals it will require a time of reflection and making sure you are staying on track. Get accountability with someone you trust to make sure you are moving forward. Set up smaller goals along the way to ensure you are staying on task.

6.     Be honest. You have to be in tune with the reality of your life and situations. Many times people are not realistically looking at what is right in front of them and they are out of touch with their own reality. Take a hard look at yourself and be honest with yourself if you are not reaching your goals. Ask yourself some questions EX: “Am I really serious about these goals?”: “Am I being honest with myself about my weight, finances, relationships, etc?” If you can’t be real with yourself about what your situation actually is, you can’t be in a position to be healthier.

The Choice

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances." 
—Martha Washington


What an awesome quote. I have to agree! I have been through the valleys and stood on the peaks and every time it was the attitude that either made my day or broke my day.
How many people have had terrible things happen to them and yet remain ever still so humbled and sincere. Many times it takes someone to be broken into such small pieces that the only way for them to recover is to be made into something so "new" , beautiful, and rare.


Yes, life many times is not fair. You have the choice to make though in how you will handle yourself. What kind of decisions will you make? Will you choose to be healthier? Will you choose to be an overcomer? 
There are times to be sad, grieve, or mourn the loss of someone or a circumstance. But the fact is this, sooner or later you will stop crying and then you are going to have to do something about it!
Make the choice today that is will help you be a better, stronger, and more healthier individual. 

Love

The Four Loves: C.S. Lewis
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will becomeunbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. "



Profound, buy yet so true. Love is not easy, and coupled with life's challenges it is increasingly harder to live a life so deeply penetrated and devoted to this one word: Love. Pursue your dearly loved and treasured relationships. Healthy and whole lives encompass every single facet of living, from the inside out. Relationships with others and a relationship with your creator are so essential. Live and be well. 

Live on Purpose

Living your life with purpose has a dramatic effect on how you think, love, act, and live. When was the last time you thought about living on purpose? Living your life knowing you have been created with a purpose and have a mission to fulfill, how much differently would you view your life, health, and relationships.
My guess would be that you would try to make the best of what you have been given in every aspect.
Taking care of your health is not an option, however, many don't see it that way at all. Striving for better health in the aspects of overall physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellness is so important in making a lasting impression on the people around you and making your life matter.

Dear one, your life does matter....you have been made with a purpose, and if you do not know what that is...I challenge you today to find out. You have gifts and abilities that other people need to see and know!

Is someone lying to you?

As you read that title, "is someone lying to you", I am almost positive you have had someone lie to you or is currently lying to you in some way or another. Why do people lie? Where is the honesty and conviction in the hearts of people that make them chose the right thing?
Here are a few reasons people lie:
-To protect themselves from a consequence of their behavior.
-Protection of feelings.
-Wants to postpone making a lifestyle change.
-To hide something they did or did not do.
-To make themselves appear better or more successful, poor self esteem.
-To be in control, or to think they are in control of a situation.
-Want to avoid the embarrassment of being caught in deception.

If you have a gut feeling your being lied to, usually it is right on. If you probe and find your still being deceived and it feels worse than before, you need to confront them on the issue.
You need to have the obvious facts when you confront someone and make sure you are ready for what the confrontation will cause in your relationship. No one wants to be told they are lying, even if they are a liar.
I personally have no pity on people who lie. I have been lied to many times in many different situations. It is a shame, but in the heart of man is a nature that needs to be brought under control. If not, the nature to do ungodly things will always surface. I have had people say, "its just a little white lie." A lie is a lie and if you want your relationships to be grounded in a deep and mutual respect worthy way and have the utmost level of trust within them, then the lying needs to stop. There is no way around this situation.
Lying causes harm, it ruins relationships, it makes your levels of complete transparency and trust just go right out the window.
Here are some resources that can help you when you have relationships with people who have a problem with being totally honest with the people around them. Lies in any relationship are a hard thing to handle. In a marriage , lies can be a huge blow to your intimacy and trust levels.
Top Books on Lying
Top 6 Books About Lying

Dirty Little Secrets Grow

It is the little secrets done along the way that grow into bigger things later on! Things that can no longer be kept a secret, no longer masked by pain or hidden from public eye. It is the mighty oak that sprouts from a seed planted deep in the ground that grows into a massive tree to provide shade, and protection from the elements. However, what happened in secret is what made that tree what it is today.
I am not sure why, it really could just be the pure human condition of souls deprived from a Creator who longs to set them free, but it still always surprises me when I witness
or see a little "secret" that blows up in another's face. It could be subtle, it could be silly, sensual, or it could very easily be a felony; it doesn't matter how big or small the dirty little secret is...what matters is that there had to be one to begin with. The basic human nature apart from the saving grace of God is tainted and driven in a direction of wanting to "hide". Hiding things goes all the way back to the garden of Eden, the beginning of time, where man in all his perfect surroundings gave into temptation and HID himself and what had been done because of shame.
But it was no secret, there was nothing done in the dark that ever stays there, things will and do get brought into the light. Many times it is ugly, shameful, downright awful and gut wrenching. People are hurt. Relationships are broken. Dreams are forgotten. Positions and business ties are lost. Reputations are ruined.
I am talking about all kinds of secrets today the big and small, the ones that keep you from losing weight, the ones that keep you from saving your marriage, or the one that keeps you from getting into jail. It does not matter!
What you do when no one else is watching is a clear indicator of what your character is made up of. Let's say for a minute on a minor scale that you want to lose weight and be more healthy but when no one is around to hold you accountable your eating high fat food and chugging sodas to get you through the day. You get frustrated with yourself and cover it up by saying that when things slow down or become less chaotic you will get back to "business" and concentrate on getting healthier. Meanwhile, the scale does not lie. You continue to gain weight and become more unhealthy as time goes on. Maybe your a business owner, struggling to try and make it in this tough economy, you see some area's where being dishonest can be "worked" to your benefit and so you lie, commit fraud, or cheat other people. I am even speaking to the one who is developing deep connections to someone emotionally other then their spouse. Your spouse is turning out to not be prince or princess charming and your frustration has lead you down a path of secrets.
I challenge your thoughts today, your motives! Think about your little secrets, because friend, they are not as little as you think!

Living Intentionally

Have you ever tried to live intentionally? It's actually quite an experience. To live intentionally free's you of unrealistic expectations on yourself and other's, and creates a new way of thinking in your every day life. You see when you live having unrealistic expectations you will find yourself unhappy, frustrated, sad, angry, and even disappointed over a circumstance or how someone responded to you.To think that this doesn’t really matter, you are fooling yourself. When you allow people and circumstances to control how you feel or react you can live your life in a constant state of unhappiness with things around you. 


Example: A friend of mine had an expectation of how she wished her relationship with another friend would be or how their relationship would last over the years. She would phone her friend, try to reach out to her, and there

would be no response. She would confront her in disappointment and hurt and hopefully try to resolve any differences but things would only get worse. This friend would not respond, would not show care or compassion, and would lie to her on occasion. This woman would get repeatedly hurt, frustrated, angry, and disappointed over the reaction she would get for simply reaching out, when it should not be a surprise to her because the behavior was always the same. She wanted to see a different reaction, desired to have a relationship, and share life's victorious, however, as much as she desired that and expected that it did not change the other person's personality or behavior. Do you see how this presents a problem? 

Expectation is what we believe should happen as a result of what we do, say, or think.

Living in expectation can cause hurt, sadness, disappointment, and even anger. How do you know if your living in expectation? Ask yourself, “Am I attached to the outcome?”

Like the example above, my friend would get hurt based upon a situation she was not in control of with this other lady. Even though she went out of your way many times, it never changed the situation. The response controlled the way she felt and by staying attached to the expected outcome she was releasing control of herself and placing it another one’s hands.

Have you been in a situation where you feel attached to the outcome? How did you feel? How did you react when it had not gone as you anticipated?

Reclaim the authority you have over your own life and emotions.

Expectations=disempowerment and bondage

Intentions=empowerment and freedom

Know in advance that many situations, people, or circumstances disappoint and if it does not turn out the way you would like it to…..are you still going to live victoriously?

photocredit:

thechristianmeditator.com

Overestimating what you have inhibits change!

"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up."-JB

Some people think they actually have more than they really do. It is called overestimation. Clinging to something that really has no value or worth in the long run and refusing to let it go...only hurts people. There are other things to gain by letting go. There have been times and will be in the future that I too have had to let go of "good" things in my life. It does not mean that I will never have good things again. I have experienced many times through the pain of giving something good up that I have received something even better.

Most people can not let go, they have a real hard time understanding that letting go does not mean that you have given up, not cared or loved enough; it just means...that you have come to a place where you understand you do not need to be controlled by it anymore and life has to go on. 

Life will go on. New people, places, and things will come in and out of your life...it is just the way life is. Resisting changes that are in fact good for you, only keeps a person from being and doing all they were meant to in this life. Is this hard? Yes it is! Will there be pain? Of course there will be pain. Will it be worth it? Absolutely! 

Let whatever is on your mind now after reading this be the one thing you work on letting go. 

Financial Wellness

Having financial wellness is establishing a balance in a few areas of your life. Financial stability encompasses your emotional and physical health as well. Being financial "well" means that you have a deep understanding of where your money is coming from, how much you have, and where you are going to distribute it.
So how well are you financially? Take a few moments to ask yourself some of these questions.
1. Do you balance your checkbook and keep tabs on your spending habits? (How often?)
2. How much debt do you currently have in your name or spouses name? ( Are you doing anything about it?)
3. Do you feel it is alright to use your spouses credit score to run up more debt if you have already destroyed your own credit score?
4. Do you have finances set aside for retirement? (What types of long-term investing are you doing)
5. Do you tend to always think your debt will get taken care of eventually? (Why are you not being consistent with it now?)
6. Do you find happiness in your job? (Does your job provide enough financial security for you and your family?)
7. Do you know what your net worth is?
8. Have you been seriously struggling for more than a year financially? ( Why? What is going on in your life that is allowing this to continue?)
9. Do you have an emergency fund set aside? ( How much do you have? )
10. Are you living within your means? ( Do you buy toys, vacations, gadgets, or supplies over and beyond what you really can afford?)
11. Are you being unwise in how you spend your money?

What are the results? Be honest with yourself when reading these questions, the truth is not easy to confront. Many are drowning in debt, families are being destroyed because of financial instability. Getting finances in order is not only wise, but it is the right thing to do for your future and those around you.
Pushing the stack of bills to the side over and over again because you do not have what it takes to pay them off, will only hurt you more in the future. Credit cards tack on late fee's, and interest fees every month...the longer you take to pay your bills on them they will grow. Individuals who refuse to pay on their debt are getting in more debt the longer they wait to do something about it, on a $5000.00 credit card bill that is not being paid on, it will be costing you about 120.00 a month by just letting it sit there. It is astounding!

Get control of your finances. If your not making enough money to pay your bills than you need a new job that is more consistent and that does not put you in more in debt. To be healthier in these areas of your life physically, emotionally, and financially you must take ownership of the things that keep you from moving forward and make some changes.

Honestly...where is all the honesty??

Being an honest individual is much more than just speaking truth with your mouth. Individuals must have an honest lifestyle. Many people feel that once in awhile it is OK to tell "small white lies" to protect, to cover up, and to in essence keep things simpler, however, there is no such thing as white lies, it is a myth. A lie is a lie, no matter how you look at it. Keeping the truth from other people, or twisting the truth is a lie.

All of these tactics are used to help people get out of trouble with their clients, boss, spouse, or families. What really truly happens though is that deep in the heart of the people they live with, work with, or work for....people find out your a fraud. Those who live their lives in fraudulent states can not be trusted. If they are lying to others, sooner or later they are lying to you....and themselves.

I will give you classic examples of dishonest behavior....see if you can relate?

** You are late for an appointment because you slept in and took your good old time leaving the house, you make a quick and formal phone call, saying, "I'm on my way to meet you, i got held up." Now as your making this call....your actually still sipping your coffee...

YOU DID NOT GET HELD UP....you were being lazy, why don't you just be honest? Well...because if you were honest with them and yourself...that you are in fact a lazy person with no sense of time management, that it would scare you to death and you could lose your job, financial security, or relationships.

**Second example, " You try and hide something important from your family and friends." You make up stories or avoid the truth by deterring conversation and bring up distractions. You fear the truth could bring devastation, disappointment, hurt, so you keep it from them in your efforts to be a hero and protect them, but really all your doing is making the situation worse by keeping the truth from those you love. Truth always surfaces eventually.

**And one last example, "When you share something about another one's private life and details they did not want you to share and you say, "I promise, I will not tell anyone you have told me this in confidence...and then you run to your mother, brother, friend...and blab your mouth but say at the end...please pray for them and don't mention I told you." YOU HAVE LIED. You have not been an individual with whom trust could be given. Why do we do this? Why do good people make poor choices?

I can tell you some of the reasons...is because they lack discipline, respect for themselves and others, and lack of boundaries. I am sure you could list a few yourself if you actually sit and thought for awhile...

People have not really lived much by the phrase, "the truth will set you free," much these days. So what has happened is we have become surrounded by a society of people who feel it is OK to mask the truth. What happens is that people then become in bondage to their own behavior and their lives become anything but transparent.

Encouraging you today....to be a more honest person this year. Make better choices with your mouth and behavior. Watch how the world around you...changes...for the better. Truth is not always easy, fun, or the most rewarding but it is better to be honest then to be caught up in a lie.

People are always watching....even if you think they are not!

Strengths and Weaknesses: do you know yours?

If you have no idea your strengths or weaknesses I would recommend you take a long hard look into yourself for some time. Everyone at some point through direction from friends, family, or coworkers seems to have somewhat of an indicator of what talents they have been given. If you have not been as fortunate as to have guidance along the way and you have no idea where your strengths lie or your weaknesses one thing you can try is to take an exam. They have exams online that will tell you where your strengths lie and maybe where some of your weaker areas can be as well. These will help you discover more of yourself and possibly steer you in a better direction vocationally. There are some websites I have included below for you to look into further.

I would encourage you to join a team. Get involved with a project or organization that will throw you into having to work together with others. The best way to discover who you are is to take yourself out of the familiar! When someone gets very comfortable with their life its very easy to never discover new things about yourself and others. There are many needs out there and organizations that can use your help.

Getting married is one of the most unbelievable things that you can do to discover who and what you are made of. If you for one second think your life is perfect and you have little weaknesses, getting married will help keep your brain from reaching that prideful pinnacle. Spending time with another individual every day, every night, and for years to come will reveal things about yourself you never knew! Once your married, make a commitment to that person for life. In a marriage when both people are committed to discovering themselves and each other it makes a world of difference. Stay close to one another and maintain your relationship, attend marriage conferences to discover more about men, women, and one another.

The following sites can offer some helpful information in attending a marriage conference or knowing more about your personality.

Personality Quiz

Attend a Marriage Retreat

Solutions for Life

Strengthening your marriage...is it possible? YES!

Marriage is not always made in heaven. Relationships are work and people are never perfect. When you make a covenant commitment before God to make it work you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to make sure it is more than just a piece of paper. There are steps that many may need to take to ensure they can stick through the tough times especially when you feel like giving up.

It is wise to seek counseling. Marriages sometimes need a qualified counselor to help them through some deeper issues. Counselors are trained professionals who can figure out where the root problems are stemming from and that may not even be things your aware of in your relationship. Many times in relationships people bring to the table what they have seen and have no idea how to have a happy marriage and love the other the way God wants them to love. There is no shame in seeking a counselor, it is actually a wise choice before things get too out of control.

Do what it takes to ensure your marriage stays strong. Relationships need cultivating and every living thing needs water to grow. Marriages need certain aspects to make sure they are growing and not becoming stagnant. Give time to your marriage and look into a weekend retreat or seminar that is devoted to couples and issues they face in keeping their covenants to one another.

Make sure your spending quality time getting to know what the other person needs from you. This aspect will never change even if your married 50 years, there will always be changes that take place and each spouse needs to understand that their loved one will change and how can they change together and grow together. Many people say to one another how much they have changed, lets face the truth when it comes down to it...Every single person changes and goes through things as life molds and shapes them. Whether the changes are for the better or not, people need to understand that it will happen at some point, its a part of life.

Pray together as a couple. Ask God to give you strength and wisdom and that he protects your marriage. Marriages are meant to be strong and victorious forces for families across the world, this relationship must be taken more seriously not only for families but for the children and our future. If you have never seen a successful marriage or believe that it is possible...you must know that you can be the change and the one that makes the difference.