Sunday, May 16, 2010

Why is it that some people never change?

This is a tough subject to discuss and when working with clients who want to change and you see the changes is exciting, joyful, and even rewarding. However, there are those select few who really never change. I ask myself these questions all the time as I see family members, friends, and even clients put themselves in the same painful experiences over and over again. It is frustrating and gut wrenchingly sad to see others literally sabotaging themselves from the life they are intended to have and be apart of.
Why do people continue to be in co-dependent unhealthy relationships? Why does the one who wants to get in shape continue to sit in front of the TV and eat junk food? Why does the unemployed person not find a job in two or three years while their families lose everything right before their eyes? Why do parents take back in the drug addicted, and unstable son or daughter who has stolen from them, went to jail, and continues to bring chaos into their lives?
I will tell you some of the reasons why and it is because of insecurity and lack of establishing moral boundaries. 
What is it that you are willing to live with and put up with in your life? Many do not understand that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP with certain things, people, or situations. Do not be a martyr to your own wellbeing so that you can try and "rescue" someone else, it will never happen. You always will lose yourself in the midst of the crisis or situation. 
So here it want to know why people do not is because there is something about their "state" that they actually benefit from being in.
Astounding....isn't it!? There is something about their unhappy ways that are actually "working" for them. 
Be it financial,  an excuse they can use to manipulate, the attention they are getting, etc...whatever it is...they are "working" it to their advantage. As much as they want to see change happen or say they want things to change the pain of it actually changing their life isn't as great as the pain of staying just where they are and so they do not do a single thing. People get hurt, lives are affected, and futures are changed because of this, and in most cases it is never for the better. 
For those people who have risen above defeat and seen victory, you know it is possible!! So at the end of the day people always do what they want to! You will never change another person if you try! Forcing people to change usually does not go over well either. People will change when they are willing to make the changes that are needed for their wellbeing emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Changes are painful, excrutiating, and necessary! Make the changes you need to make today...people around you are counting on you!
How to know if you need counseling?
How do you even begin to establish healthy boundaries with people?
Avoiding unhealthy people is necessary for some people to make drastic moral changes...

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