Dog bones and baking pans

The title does not barely do what I am about to show you any justice. I think the fact that I found those two items is more hilarious than anything but somehow I found a small piece of a life lesson to ponder.
I decided to clean my purse. I usually do this every couple months. I hate to admit it takes that long but it does. So I began to empty the contents all over the counter and this is some of what I discovered. I found among the treasures of my every day life that I also had 2 dog bones, a mini baking sheet (from my daughters easy bake oven), and a bottle of bug spray from the fourth of July fireworks that I had been carting around for a couple months and since we are the week before Thanksgiving... I would say that is pretty bad.
I did not intentionally mean to carry this stuff around for months with me, I just didn't think it was that big of deal and left it there. Days turned into weeks and weeks months...
Now that I had the time to rid my purse of extras... I can see how we also do this in our own lives.
Have you ever known a "stuffer"? A stuffer is someone who never really deals with things at hand and just stuffs it away until later living then in constant avoidance.
I think the purse illustration is a candid display of stuffing and one I wanted to share because honestly who finds dog bones in their purse with a baking sheet? This busy mom does and I am sure a lot of the moms out there can relate even with some fun stuffing stories of their own. However, there are big things...huge things...deep things that people end of "stuffing" away into their inner souls.
I think its time to clean the clutter. Clutter only makes it hard to see your way through and it's easier to stuff things away. It takes very little effort to just keeping stuff hidden...its the time and effort put into the "cleaning" that makes for a fresh start and a new way of thinking and living.
In my case with the purse, it really is a lot lighter of a weight to carry. And I know when we let go of things that we have been avoiding or confront something that makes us uncomfortable, it is then you really can be free to live without hindrance.
I knew those dog bones were in there somewhere because at some point I put them there! Same with that mini baking sheet, it fell out of  box when we moved and I knew it was important so I put it where any good mom would; in my purse!  But over time, I just left it... no big deal... I would get to it. And today I did get to it but when there are bigger issues we start to "stuff away" that is not a good thing.
Avoidance only delays the actually outcome. Don't do that to yourself! So for all of those other moms out there who are pulling diapers, underwear, and maybe even a sandwich out of that bag... I get it! I really do, just let it stop at the purse and as women let us be more real about things and stop living with an avoidance mindset. Take on today with confidence in cleaning out your "stuff!" xo- laura

Living with hurt

This is a tough article I have been mulling over for months, maybe years. I have thought about it, journaled about it, prayed about this very topic. "Hurt...." It is not an easy word, the very pains I feel in my heart as I write this article makes me deeply sad to revisit times, people, and places that have ever so carved a deep cavern within me. To say anyone is free of hurt this side of heaven would be false. No matter how good you live your life, no matter how much you strive for a better way of life, no one is exempt from the painful pangs of hurt from other individuals.
I have been there, I have laid on the ground and cried my heart out at the foot of rejection, I have lost sleep over gut wrenching situations I just did not understand, and in some cases still do not. I have lived with hurtful people, I have hurtful people in my family, I have worked with hurtful people, and shamefully in my own hurt or stress have also hurt people.
The kind of hurt I am talking about here though is the intentional, deep and meaningful hurt of rejection.
Rejection is knowing what is in front of you and making an attempt to keep it away. Why do people, and organzitions hurt those around them?
Hurting people hurt people. Healed people can then help others...
I have heard that before and really up until about two years ago I really did not think too deeply about it until going through a very dark season in my own personal life.
When people are hurting from their own past, their mistakes, wrongs done to them, or even dealing with their own personal frustrations there is a part of their being that is bleeding hurt. They don't take healing time, get help through counseling, fail to grieve properly, and in turn they continue to "bleed" all over the people around them with toxicity. Toxicity surfaces in many forms.
I can only pray that in time the counseling or accountability that is needed will somehow show itself as important and sought after for complete healing or restoration of broken lives.

What is the cause of poor church leadership?

A question that all of us ask ourselves at some point or another. The one aspect of this that is especially hard is when you have been hurt within a circle of people in which you should have been safe. A general assumption would be that a church leader could lead with integrity and strength, but when church leadership lets you down, where do you turn? It is so easy to be angry and confused. All of which are completely justified emotions.

In the church the leaders appointed should lead to a higher standard, but we live in a fallen world and unless those leaders are really called to be leaders and supposed to be in those positions... they will hurt people along the way because of several reasons. 

- The title they were given was based upon desperation/ seniority versus real qualifications. 
- There is a lack of real training.
- They are filling a position and that's it, they are not really called to be in it.
- Complacency, jealousy or stagnation set in. 
-Terrible accountability such as appointing board who pay the salaries and are their buddies , it is a I will pat your back if you pat mine...mentality. 

Whatever the reason don't underestimate the damage a poor leader can have on people. A leader that is allowed to operate in this way will be driven with selfish ambition and will most likely sabatoge anyone or anything that could get in their own way or agenda that will change their culture and what makes them feel comfortable.

What to do if you have been hurt by poor leadership?
Seek some counseling to heal from the hurt and betrayel.
Stay far away from those people who have hurt you.
Seek truth and know that God wants you to be in church and staying away from them because you have been hurt is just a way for you to be aliented from real friends.

Thankful even when you are discouraged

So the holidays are upon us and they should be amazing but for many the celebrations are also coupled with sadness. During the holidays we think of those we may have lost, or miss the ones we love so much but may be far away or even worse too busy.
This holiday like so many others... my husband and I are both feeling a little bit discouraged. Being far away from both our families means we have to figure out what to do each holiday. Traveling for us is not always possible because of our jobs, and of course packing up kids and dogs is no easy task.
We decided to spend this year giving back, looking for a place or community center that could use some help. I think the best possible way to get past your own situations is to go help someone else.
Thankfully that evening we will be able to come back and open our home to friends who have no where to go themselves.
I am so grateful for my mom and dad, two people that no matter where we are always make an effort to try to bring all of us together, unfortunately, everyone goes there own ways sometimes.
I love family. I have the best brothers and sister, I am missing them today.
Somewhere between colleges, jobs, and marriages we all have found our places in the world and we are not as close in miles, or spirits anymore.
I really hope that we can all find some time this year to give to others, those who truly have no home, no family, or a warm meal together with someone they love.
If you are feeling this way this holiday too...look for a way you too can give back. To be thankful for the little things can make a huge difference.
Thankfulness is an attitude of our hearts and I am doing my best with that this holiday. Looking for the beautiful, little things and the amazing people I have right here around me.
My lovely little girls, my hyper little puppies, and my husband. I am thankful I serve a real and living God who provides hope when my heart is heavy. I am thankful for times of quiet and peace. I am so thankful for miracles...that come when you are not even looking.

Mini Spa Set

I recently added a line of all natural healthy and beauty products to my wellness industry. I am excited about this so much! It is so important to use safe and healthy ingredients on your skin.
Our skin absorbs everything and is our largest organ. We need to put safe products on our skin!
Check out this beautiful new gift set. This one features a handmade soap and sugar scrub. Order here and we can customize. 

Become all you were meant to be!

Do you feel like you constantly are up against a wall? Discouragement and sadness can come in like a flood and overwhelm. There are so many things that can come against us from day to day that can feel like everything is gone, you will never be happy, your life will never turn around. But it can! Reclaim your life...reclaim what negative things have tried to take from you. God wants you to soar and be all you were created to be.
In this FREE ebook which downloads automatically you can experience renewed perspective and hope.
Download today!!

Are you setting up to fail?

Let's check out some of the warning signs or red flags so to speak.

Keep in mind failure is not bad, unless as you learn from it. We all have all failed or made mistakes. Learning from them and getting up is what will make the difference.Ask yourself some of these questions, ask some trusted people in your life what they think as well.

Ask ... Am I this way or do I tend in this direction? 

- You are a major people pleaser. When big choices need to be made, you consult with everyone around you. Come up with a team and getting everyone's opinions about a decision you just need to make but won't because you don't want to offend, is a warning! 

- You stay in places and relationships that are not healthy or working. What would cause you to stay around people or places that you know are not beneficial? Is it low self esteem? Are you willing to let it go so you can be stronger?

- You secretly thrive on drama whether yours or everyone else 's. Gossiping about others whether you are in a professional group or not is wrong. Pretty good chance is they are talking about you too. Leadership needs to function at a higher standard. Adding fuel to the fires of slander and gossip only destroys people and unity. 

- You have no specific plans on how to reach a goal. Dreams are planted in all of us but without a plan you will never reach the goal. Set steps up as mile markers to achieve along the way. 

The Myth of Multi-tasking

Though, the hallmark of the twenty-first century has been multitasking. In reality, it isn't a good policy. When you do several things at once, you don't focus on any one task. Mistakes are made and everything becomes combined and messy. Also, when we multitask, we often aren’t giving another human being our full attention. We half-listen and then carry on with our tasks. This does nothing to foster team building at work or personal relationships at home. It's best to do just one thing at a time and focus on one person at a time.

When you do, you can accomplish more, feel more in control, and be a lot more pleasant to be around. You also can greatly reduce your stress levels. 

The "smart" device age has caused an increasing level of distraction as well. Set clear boundaries so you can have balance, you need to know when to shut it off and put it away. 

No one wants to be labeled a jack of all trades and a master of none! Let us all seek to pursue the best possible life we can give ourselves and families!

Questions to ask and consider before joining a church.

Alarming that even in churches today there can be a lack of integrity and accountability. When flesh gets in the way and people are then overtaken with jealousy, slander, and insecurities there is no end to what can happen. Never underestimate the power of insecurity in people and organizations. Insecurity is a bad friend that makes people believe things about others that aren't even true.
A strong leader will not be affected by positive change. A fearful leader will always self sabotage growth even on a small scale.
Establish healthy boundaries and know that no one is above failing you- God is your source and strength.
If you are getting involved with a church look for healthy signs: Ask questions and get involved- know that you need answers before you get involved with an unhealthy place.

-Are they open to including and reaching out community?
-Are the finances being accounted for accurately?
- Is there protocol and systems in place for organization and safety?
-Is the pastor getting accountability or does he have friends on his board? Yes people are not accountability.
-Is there an openness to getting involved and working with other churches for the greater good of God's kingdom?
-Is there a clear vision for where the church is going?
-Are leadership tasks delegated and not much being done by the leader himself? Delegation only works when the leader is working too.
-Are children and youth valued and seen as the future of church and nation?
-Is personal growth and progress encouraged?
-Is progress welcomed when it is positive change or is it sabotaged and seen as threatening?
-Is the pastor disrespectful?
-Have you seen others gossiping about members?
-Does the leadership staff have a small mindset and inward way of thinking?
-Has the church been thriving or surviving?
-Ask around, see if the church has a positive history before you came on the scene?
-Is the church just existing by a handful of people who adore their long term friends?
-Is there a lack of caring for the overall building and God's house?
-Is a sense of stewardship and ownership encouraged as a standard?

Churches are part of our lives and should be a positive place encouraging growth. However, there are many teachers standing in the place of pastors. Many people have been hurt by "hirelings" with their own agenda's and complacent ways. It is sad, heartbreaking, and nothing can make the enemy more happy then to see churches failing and families hurt.
If you are in this situation- get out! If you feel you are not being appreciated, valued, or growing spiritually it is not the place God wants you in. If you have seen your leadership handle things improperly, ask questions! The integrity of a man or woman always will trump the image you have of them. 

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Massive and Determined Action

I am convinced that the only way to achieve success and pursue your vision is to make consistent choices. Massive and determined action will always help you reach your goals. Sitting back and watching life pass you by will only leave you with regret. It is so important to know your purpose, know that you were created with significance for a reason. Living on purpose changes everything!! In the middle of a hopeless situation it is never what you have that will make a difference, it is what you do with what you have been given that makes the difference. Start today....take determined action steps towards a goal. Even if the consistent actions seem small...keep doing them, one thing will lead to another and positivity always breeds positivity.

A simpler life

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What I learned yesterday....

So I am beginning to think of a new series of chapters in a new book. I feel as I get older the more you see in people and about life. Health is an aspect that runs so deep. It is more than just physical, health is emotional, mental, and spiritual. I am beginning to learn what to hold close and what to let go of in my own life so that I can be the healthiest person I know how to be for me and my family. So here are a few things that I recently had some light shed on in my own life and I have to tell you, it is freeing to understand. 1- Spend more time with the people that celebrate with you and celebrate you! Too many times we spend time around people who you tolerate or you feel just tolerate you....that may be for a time but let's face it,You can not grow into the person you were meant to be by constantly around people who really cant see past you or celebrate your victories and success. You want to be around those who believe in your potential, your goals and your dreams. 2- Stop investing time and effort into those who really just don't give a flying leap. For whatever reason there are always those people you would like to be closer to, so you invite them over, try to allow them to be part of your life and they will always shut you out,no matter how hard you try. SO STOP! There are other people who would love to spend time with you and develop a more meaningful relationship. 3- Every time you say no to something, you are saying yes to something else. Make sure you are saying YES to the things that really matter!!

Eruption of Entitlement

I have noticed this for several years and I cant even begin to imagine how this is affecting our country, our lives, and relationships. It is becoming most common in my generation (we will say the 30 somethings) and younger. It is this ," I am entitled" mentality. I see it everywhere. Honestly, I even see it driving down the road. You watch sometimes when people get cut off the obnoxious words that fly out of the mouths of even a babe when their "right" to the road has been intruded upon. I see 16 year old's "expecting" they are getting a car. Really?? You are 16!! Sweethearts, that is a hard earned piece of metal you are throwing a tantrum about and the fact that it is not being "given" to you because you are.... oh, "of that age to have a car!" It has reared its ugly head in just about everything. Where did this spoiled rotten mentality actually overcome this generation, not to mention the apathy that is coupled with it? Not only are we seeing an eruption of " I am owed or entitled," but we are seeing an apathetic way of life springing up all around us. I have heard the phrase, "I just dont care," more often then I wish I had heard. Do people actually mean they do not care? Maybe! Quite possibly they do not. However, it is causing major problems. No one is entitled or owed a single thing. In fact, what we deserve we actually should be thankful we do not get. There are things in life you need to work really hard at....and with that being able to truly care that you have obtained it so when you get that hard earned promotion, car, dream home, or even a loving spouse....you reallyyyy cherish it.
Think about what you can "give" back once in awhile instead of what you think you are actually "entitled" to receiving!

Dealing with manipulative people

Manipulative people can surface in many relationships. It is important not to confuse manipulation with "influence" . Someone that is influential creates balance and health and spurs you on to be a better person and reach your goals. Manipulation however is a tactic used to control others through lies, remarks, stories, actions,financial means, etc. It can rear its ugly head in many ways. What do you do and how do you handle this, especially if you have someone close to you has been manipulating people all their life. For some it is a way of life. It is not the correct way of life though. People like this are fearful, and in most cases can be very dramatic with their every day life. Most of the time their ultimate desire is self based and they will not have close personal relationships with others. Ultimately their manipulation backfires. But nonetheless, they can be difficult to deal with and you need to be able to recognize manipulation and stand up to it.
In some cases the manipulative person can and will target who they "can" and can't manipulate. Keep in mind....from an earlier post,.....There is no show without an audience! Same for manipulators....they can not manipulate others, if they are not allowed. If someone feels they can manipulate you, they will keep calling, keep coming back, and continuously showing up in your life for something unhealthy.
Keep a balance in your relationships. Keep manipulators at a distance. It takes two to tango...and it always involves two when their are unhealthy patterns. Have nothing to do with it! So, I know the question is there, what do you do when this person is someone in your family? A spouse, parent, or child. Obviously those relationships you can not walk completely away from. BUT, you need to be very specific, clarify what you will and will not allow and enforce that you have boundaries. This will not be easy, you will have differing opinions, but you need to keep unhealthy people in your life at a distance and make them understand how far they can go.
Maintain your character. Manipulative people lie. Keep this tactic in mind. Remember, manipulative people are driven by fear and insecurity and will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better. Be true to who you are,  who have you always been, manipulators have a pattern and I guarantee you are not the only one in their lives who sees it.
Set limits with people who try to manipulate you and clarify what it is that the relationship will be. Some people you just can not be close to in all of the ways you want to be because of unhealthy patterns or destructive habits.

 photo:http://www.activatemg.co.nz/middle-management-development/

Mean what you say....and say what you mean!

Words....they have the power to heal, motivate,and encourage. Words.....also have the power to destroy, tear down, and cripple. I find it astounding how loosely people speak to each other sometimes in relationships. As if the words they say will be quickly forgiven or looked past in an instant. It just isn't true. I have been married for several years, married into a family where words have been thrown around like a volleyball their entire lives. I see how it destroys children, makes disrespectful teenagers, and poor intimate relationships. I have seen how people can truly hurt others with their communication. I can see how generations will be affected by the actions of today. It is very important to treat people in your life with deep respect and mutual admiration. Your children will see how you relate and become the mirror image of you. Generations always reap what you sow.

Being the Bigger Person

You know exactly what I mean by this, the title alone may have sent shivers down your spine at the thought of trying to once again be the bigger person. This is hard, and sometimes it is downright painful. The world is full of all sorts of people personalities and problems and because of it you are bound to come face to face with someone who just really rubs you the wrong way, or for some reason they just don't like you or vice versa, you don't like them. You can ask yourself a million questions in trying to understand people. One thing I know is this, no one is perfect and that is not why i write this, I am not perfect and have had my fair share of struggles. You will be blamed for things you are not responsible for, or even be accused of thinking of yourself as "perfect" even in dealing with a world full of imperfect and marred human beings. It is just the reality of the life we live and the sin that plagues people's hearts and minds. The only thing you can be responsible for is you. If you have bent over backwards to let someone know you care and they reject you...you can not take it personally.
People struggle with all kinds of insecurities that make them mean, harsh, cruel, gossips, etc...you will never change another individual. At the heart of every cranky or miserable person there is a reason! Did you ever hear the phrase: Hurt people...hurt people...well it is true! 
Do not stoop to their level, it is not worth it and you will most likely take on emotions and thoughts that will only bring you down. Stay positive and keep enjoying the life you are making for yourself!

Say Good Bye to the "Taker's"

I know you know of a few of them by name, maybe you could even make a list. The "taker's" are those activities or people that do not directly line up with your priorities, yet they drain the life right out of you. Your emotional, mental, physical, and even spiritual growth are all hindered by investing more and more time into those things.
Make a commitment to yourself that you do not have to be everything to everybody else all the time! You can decline some invitations or events if your feeling overwhelmed or pulled in one hundred different directions.
You have to think about your priorities, how are these things lining up with what you are keeping close to your heart? Keep in mind that you as an individual have incredible worth and deserve the time you can invest in yourself to make sure that you are the most healthy individual you can be.
This is the best gift you can give to anyone around you and yourself! Until you are able to say no to the demands and requests of others, you will never be able to say yes to you! 
Consider for a moment what is going to be worth it to you in 20, 30, or even 40 years? You can get to the end of a very full life and realize that you never disappointed anyone else but yourself. Don't allow that to happen to you, start taking ownership of these area's of your life where you feel you do not have the balance.

Managing Stress

Stress has serious medical side effects if felt for long periods of time. Stress can cause head aches, upset stomachs, ulcers, mood swings, and depression. Life can bombard sometimes with things that are unexpected and serious. Everyone handles stress differently, stress will come to everyone at certain times but how you deal with it can make the difference in your life from feelings of defeat to living a life with victory. Here are a few ways to help you pinpoint stress areas and help you manage them better.
1. Pinpoint the areas that are making you feel stressed out. What are those things that are causing you to feel anxious, nervous, or overwhelmed? Is this a person, job related, financial problem, etc...)
2. Once you have recognized the areas that are stressing you out, think about how you can change that situation. Is there something in your power to be able to change that area?
3. Confront those problem areas that you are capable of changing and if you need to establish better boundaries in those places, this is an excellent way to begin practicing that technique. Boundaries is realizing where you as a person end, and another begins. This boundary issue can be wide spread in a few areas of your life and can be contributing to some of your stress related problems. I highly recommend getting a copy of "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend; very practical advice for anyone who struggles with saying no or managing stress.
4. Get some exercise for your health and clarity of mind. Moderate exercise weekly if not daily is so important in managing stress better.A simple walk will force you out of isolation and get your mind thinking of other things.
5. Avoid drinking alcohol if taking medication. Drinking impairs the way you think and in many cases if mixed with medication can increase feelings of depression, anger, and sadness.
Stress needs to be managed regularly and use the techniques you discover that help you the best so that you can live a better life for yourself and those around you.

Strengths and Weaknesses: do you know yours?

If you have no idea your strengths or weaknesses I would recommend you take a long hard look into yourself for some time. Everyone at some point through direction from friends, family, or coworkers seems to have somewhat of an indicator of what talents they have been given. If you have not been as fortunate as to have guidance along the way and you have no idea where your strengths lie or your weaknesses one thing you can try is to take an exam. They have exams online that will tell you where your strengths lie and maybe where some of your weaker areas can be as well. These will help you discover more of yourself and possibly steer you in a better direction vocationally. There are some websites I have included below for you to look into further.

I would encourage you to join a team. Get involved with a project or organization that will throw you into having to work together with others. The best way to discover who you are is to take yourself out of the familiar! When someone gets very comfortable with their life its very easy to never discover new things about yourself and others. There are many needs out there and organizations that can use your help.

Getting married is one of the most unbelievable things that you can do to discover who and what you are made of. If you for one second think your life is perfect and you have little weaknesses, getting married will help keep your brain from reaching that prideful pinnacle. Spending time with another individual every day, every night, and for years to come will reveal things about yourself you never knew! Once your married, make a commitment to that person for life. In a marriage when both people are committed to discovering themselves and each other it makes a world of difference. Stay close to one another and maintain your relationship, attend marriage conferences to discover more about men, women, and one another.

The following sites can offer some helpful information in attending a marriage conference or knowing more about your personality.

Personality Quiz

Attend a Marriage Retreat

Solutions for Life

Create relaxation

Relaxation may be a foreign word for some people, and most of the time unless you create a time for yourself to relax it will not happen. Relaxing is a time to separate yourself from the cares of every day life. The following tips may help you come up with some of your very own.

Set the time aside for you to relax. This time could be something you plan ahead for or even make happen spontaneously based upon your needs. When you create relaxation make sure you remove things that typically distract you. Things that usually cause underlying stress such as TV, cell phones, computers, pagers, etc ... should be turned off during this time. There are moments when you can be unreachable for just a little while, your mind and body needs this so you do not burn out.

Create an atmosphere wherever you are that is peaceful. You may like to light candles, turn on some light music, or maybe you want to sit in absolute silence with your feet up; whatever you choose make it something you do not ordinarily do to make it seem special for you. Take your mind off your situation for awhile and focus on a book, a sunset, or even the rain. It does not take much to create relaxation if your determined to do it.

A wonderful idea that can help you relax is to burn lavender essential oil in an oil diffuser. If you do not own an oil burner you can apply a few drops of lavender to the palms of your hands and inhale, or place a few drops on your pillowcase.